You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
