well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
