I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so that wasnt chicken after all
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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