I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
