phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it's like iHOP with fire
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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