The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
