he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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