when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
