I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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