im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
