Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
