I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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