my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just tell him i said nine months
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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