no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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