you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
