its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
