what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
