So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
