Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
