I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
