Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
