First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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