When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
