No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
