what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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