i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
