Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
