is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Shame is for Republicans.
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