Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
