I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
