I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
