I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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