Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
