lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
