either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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