but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
