My room smells like vodka and shame
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
