Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
