i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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