Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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