I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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