anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
