When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you win again, gameday.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
