where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
