69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
