I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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