Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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