I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
