That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
