you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
