OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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