am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
