2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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