fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
