my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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