Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
