Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Even my vagina gasped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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