We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's like iHOP with fire
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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