I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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