capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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