Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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