dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
