Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
