All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
