So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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