K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
