a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
