you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
