He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
