I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
