I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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