Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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