theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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