Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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