Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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