Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My ass is underappreciated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
