your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
