you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
