There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
