Got a toothbrush?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize