Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My ATM looks so different sober.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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