Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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