that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
