My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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