But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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