Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
