Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
