1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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