i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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