Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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