No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I look better un-naked...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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