my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize