the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
