R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
