My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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