Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
