I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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