My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
